You guys, being a mom is the best thing in the whole world and I think I've finally just realized this after two years. Did you even realize that babies grow into toddlers who can run, walk and talk? It's amazing to see their transformation into a kid and not a baby anymore. It hurts my heart seeing our kids grow, especially our two year old because I know how fast it goes by. Without the birth of Memphis, I don't honestly know if I would have realized this. Memphis has taught me that life goes too fast, I absolutely need to slow down and appreciate the little moments him and his sister provide every day (even the tantrums!). I can honestly say there have only been a handful of times since he was born that I've gotten frustrated with him crying and his sister throwing a fit because I love them SO DARN MUCH. Now, don't think that means I let big sister get away with it - but I feel like now I'm able to better handle and understand her tantrums and calmly tell her AGAIN that "yes, you need to sit in the corner for throwing your food on the floor".
I just read this article that was on the Scary Mommy blog and it hit home in a BIG way. I didn't realize others felt the same way and she put into words EVERYTHING I've been feeling lately:
http://www.scarymommy.com/sometimes-i-cry/
"Sometimes I cry because you’re so big and I’m so small, and the bigger you get to me, the smaller I get to you, and I worry—Lord, how I worry—about my smallness in your big world."
To a toddler, you're the MOST important person to them as their mom. While on maternity leave I was able to pick up my daughter most days from daycare, seeing her see that I was there to pick her up and yell excitedly "MOM!!!!" as she dashed across the playground is THE BEST thing. But I know that won't always be true, as I'm typing this I think about how awful I was to my parents many times throughout middle school and high school and I can only pray that she treats me better than I did to mine.
Sometimes I will sneak into my daughter's room and just watch her sleep. Being a toddler means she's blissfully unaware of differences and accepts herself and others all the same, what would our world look like if we all were like that? I think that's what gets me the most, (and the blog I mention above defines this perfectly) that I know she is so innocent and unassuming right now - but l know she will have to go through those milestones in life that are hard.
I never realized I would be like this, I think other moms and dads got to this point much earlier in their child's life than I have. Don't take your babies for granted, others are trying SO hard to have children and may never get the opportunity. Do the best for them that you know how, be present, "feed the munnies" (bunnies) in your neighbors yard, kiss their "ouchies", read books and love them.
And be prepared to be turned into mush by everything they do.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Thursday, July 3, 2014
The road to Memphis: Part One
This post is way past due! The last time I updated was in April, when we were certain our son would be born with achondroplasia. Many of you are aware that didn't end up being the case, which is fantastic. As you can imagine, the month of April was crazy and it may take me a few posts to get our story out!
So, here goes part one:
Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was told I was measuring small. I wasn't alarmed at this point because we went through this exact thing when I was pregnant with Roslynne. When you measure small they ask that you come in for an ultrasound to just check things out. So, I met with my regular ob but not with my doctor for this appointment (mine must have been busy that day) and she believed the ultra sound showed that the baby was behind in arm and leg development and asked that we get an in-depth review at the University of Iowa.
On April 2nd, 2014 Johnny and I made our way to Iowa City. If we weren't nervous enough, picture one GIGANTIC confusing hospital that we had to find our way to. During a typical weekday, the parking ramp is PACKED. Once we found a parking spot we drug ourselves into the hospital for what we both knew wouldn't be good. After 20 minutes of navigating our way there and getting checked in, we waited for another 20 minutes or so to be seen. We spoke with a nurse who recorded information on us and our families. We were then taken into the room for an ultra sound, the nurse did her thing while I was trying to decipher the numbers and information whizzing by while she moved really fast (too fast!). She then left, while I was told to wait to put myself together incase the team of specialists wanted to see more. Picture yourself in a dim room with your spouse on one side and 5-6 nurses and doctors surrounding you explaining your un-born son will likely be born with a disability. I think they were waiting for us to break down crying with this diagnosis (I won't even mention one of the options they gave us) when all we wanted to say to them was "wait, do you have the right people?
We then were lead to a room to ourselves to have a moment to process and decide how to inform family and friends, but really we just sat and cried. Johnny told me to wipe my tears away and assured me our son would be a little shit, just like Roz! We had my regular ob appointment later that afternoon and had a few hours to kill and decided to sit at the Newbo book store a while and even a little lunch.
That day was heartbreaking, but made us better people.
Stay tuned for the next post!
So, here goes part one:
Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was told I was measuring small. I wasn't alarmed at this point because we went through this exact thing when I was pregnant with Roslynne. When you measure small they ask that you come in for an ultrasound to just check things out. So, I met with my regular ob but not with my doctor for this appointment (mine must have been busy that day) and she believed the ultra sound showed that the baby was behind in arm and leg development and asked that we get an in-depth review at the University of Iowa.
On April 2nd, 2014 Johnny and I made our way to Iowa City. If we weren't nervous enough, picture one GIGANTIC confusing hospital that we had to find our way to. During a typical weekday, the parking ramp is PACKED. Once we found a parking spot we drug ourselves into the hospital for what we both knew wouldn't be good. After 20 minutes of navigating our way there and getting checked in, we waited for another 20 minutes or so to be seen. We spoke with a nurse who recorded information on us and our families. We were then taken into the room for an ultra sound, the nurse did her thing while I was trying to decipher the numbers and information whizzing by while she moved really fast (too fast!). She then left, while I was told to wait to put myself together incase the team of specialists wanted to see more. Picture yourself in a dim room with your spouse on one side and 5-6 nurses and doctors surrounding you explaining your un-born son will likely be born with a disability. I think they were waiting for us to break down crying with this diagnosis (I won't even mention one of the options they gave us) when all we wanted to say to them was "wait, do you have the right people?
We then were lead to a room to ourselves to have a moment to process and decide how to inform family and friends, but really we just sat and cried. Johnny told me to wipe my tears away and assured me our son would be a little shit, just like Roz! We had my regular ob appointment later that afternoon and had a few hours to kill and decided to sit at the Newbo book store a while and even a little lunch.
That day was heartbreaking, but made us better people.
Stay tuned for the next post!
Friday, April 25, 2014
Welcome to Holland.
Ok, big surprise - it's been a while since I've last posted!
Our sweet baby boy is expected to arrive in FOUR weeks from today. I fully expected this pregnancy to fly by faster than when I was pregnant with Roslynne. What I wasn't expecting was the news we found out on April 2nd. After being referred to the University of Iowa after an ultra sound showed his limbs were behind in growth, we were told that day that he is expected to be born with Achondroplasia or better known as dwarfism. As you can imagine, we have gone through a roller coaster of emotions. To be quite honest, it was devastating. We went through days of highs and lows and felt we were alone in the diagnosis. Through the University we have been connected with a few families with children that also have Achondroplasia and have learned quite a bit. After meeting one family in person last weekend, we have really realized we're still incredibly lucky to have this little ("little" takes on a whole new meaning now ;) ) guy in our lives. Besides, God doesn't let you make those types of choices - he will be loved by us regardless. Granted, no one knows what will happen until D-Day but we are certainly ready for him!
Through this experience I have been able to focus on the bigger things in life and that the paint color on his wall doesn't matter. At all. You know what else I have learned? That I married the best man in the WHOLE world. He made sure to lift my spirits when I was down and always knows how to reassure me when I'm feeling lost. We've told family, friends and co-workers our news and everyone has been very supportive. I realize we will have situations I won't handle well down the road, but I'll get better at it and explaining it will start to come naturally.
A friend with a disabled child, sent me this poem (hang on, it's a long one!)
:
Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this…
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
The pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Written by Emily Perl Kingsley
Anyways, that's our news and I can't wait to report back about this special boy about to join our family. In the meantime, here's my little chicken! You might not be able to see it, but she's overjoyed about a pebble she found!
Our sweet baby boy is expected to arrive in FOUR weeks from today. I fully expected this pregnancy to fly by faster than when I was pregnant with Roslynne. What I wasn't expecting was the news we found out on April 2nd. After being referred to the University of Iowa after an ultra sound showed his limbs were behind in growth, we were told that day that he is expected to be born with Achondroplasia or better known as dwarfism. As you can imagine, we have gone through a roller coaster of emotions. To be quite honest, it was devastating. We went through days of highs and lows and felt we were alone in the diagnosis. Through the University we have been connected with a few families with children that also have Achondroplasia and have learned quite a bit. After meeting one family in person last weekend, we have really realized we're still incredibly lucky to have this little ("little" takes on a whole new meaning now ;) ) guy in our lives. Besides, God doesn't let you make those types of choices - he will be loved by us regardless. Granted, no one knows what will happen until D-Day but we are certainly ready for him!
Through this experience I have been able to focus on the bigger things in life and that the paint color on his wall doesn't matter. At all. You know what else I have learned? That I married the best man in the WHOLE world. He made sure to lift my spirits when I was down and always knows how to reassure me when I'm feeling lost. We've told family, friends and co-workers our news and everyone has been very supportive. I realize we will have situations I won't handle well down the road, but I'll get better at it and explaining it will start to come naturally.
A friend with a disabled child, sent me this poem (hang on, it's a long one!)
Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this…
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
The pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Written by Emily Perl Kingsley
Anyways, that's our news and I can't wait to report back about this special boy about to join our family. In the meantime, here's my little chicken! You might not be able to see it, but she's overjoyed about a pebble she found!
Monday, January 27, 2014
It's only been 5 months...
It's only been 5 months since I last wrote a blog post - I'm sure my loyal readers have been so sad!
I supposed I need to mention a big update - we're expecting a little boy (at least it appears to look like a boy!) at the end of May this year. I haven't taken a single bump picture - but don't worry, I plan to start this Friday at 24 weeks. I just compared myself to what I looked like with Roslynne at this point - I was much smaller then. I'm going to start standing backwards on the scale so I don't have to see the weight I'm gaining - because you KNOW I'll lose it after he's born, right? RIGHT? But really, I need to get this eating sh&* under control. I have a wedding to be in only two weeks after my due date - sorry Laura!
Besides THAT update, we've had Halloween, Thanksgiving AND Christmas since I last wrote.
First, enjoy this random slide show G-Mail made of our year in review for 2013 (random photos from my phone, obviously I didn't choose that golf shoe to be in there!)
Christmas Eve at grandma and grandpa Russ'
We set up her play kitchen for her to see Christmas morning - can you tell she was excited?
My grandma, Becca (my brother's beautiful girlfriend) and my brother - Drew were home for Christmas this year!
My mom ("Nana Rucker")
This never happens, but Roslynne had my grandma read her a book!
Roslynne's favorite thing ever - coloring!
And this is from tonight - she got out all her hats and tried them ALL on. Why on earth do I have to chase her in the mornings to put it on then??
Speaking of hats, today daycare was closed because of weather which meant I needed to stay home with this crazy child. I think there might be a high of -5 tomorrow? I think I might have a touch of cabin fever (Johnny would say I have MUCH more than a "touch"). This winter has been never ending. I'm starting to have dreams of warm weather, grilling and beer and of course, going outside without having to put 10 layers on myself AND Roslynne.
Here's to wishful thinking and more blogging this year!
Monday, August 26, 2013
Lately.
Damn. I've been meaning to blog all summer. Please excuse me! Once you read what we've been up to, I think you'll understand.
1. We moved.
In June this summer we made the move to a bigger house on a MUCH quieter street. I STILL haven't posted pictures of our new place, but will one day soon. There's a lot of painting I'm hoping to do this fall and I just don't want to post pictures of these white walls :)
2. We went on vacation.
Mid July we went to a resort (resort=cottage on the lake) in Moravia, Iowa for a week with Johnny's family. It was a week of boating, going to the indoor water park (Roz LOVED this), and eating homemade meals. I hope to post more about this soon - I wanted to do something with all the awesome Instagram pictures I took on my runs each morning.
3. Family Time
In addition to going on vacation, my brother and sister both visited (different weeks) after we were back.
4. Went to the pool!
Finally! A reason to spend a few hours at the pool - a baby! Roslynne loves the water, she would crawl into the water and just keep going even though it was getting deeper. Let's just say she's swallowed a lot of chlorine this summer.
5. Went to the playground.
There is a little park close to our house that we've gone to a few times. Roz doesn't seem to like the swings yet, but sure digs the slide!
Those are only a few! One night, when I can stay awake past 9 pm - I'll write again!
1. We moved.
In June this summer we made the move to a bigger house on a MUCH quieter street. I STILL haven't posted pictures of our new place, but will one day soon. There's a lot of painting I'm hoping to do this fall and I just don't want to post pictures of these white walls :)
2. We went on vacation.
Mid July we went to a resort (resort=cottage on the lake) in Moravia, Iowa for a week with Johnny's family. It was a week of boating, going to the indoor water park (Roz LOVED this), and eating homemade meals. I hope to post more about this soon - I wanted to do something with all the awesome Instagram pictures I took on my runs each morning.
3. Family Time
In addition to going on vacation, my brother and sister both visited (different weeks) after we were back.
4. Went to the pool!
Finally! A reason to spend a few hours at the pool - a baby! Roslynne loves the water, she would crawl into the water and just keep going even though it was getting deeper. Let's just say she's swallowed a lot of chlorine this summer.
5. Went to the playground.
There is a little park close to our house that we've gone to a few times. Roz doesn't seem to like the swings yet, but sure digs the slide!
Those are only a few! One night, when I can stay awake past 9 pm - I'll write again!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Yowza!
Ya'll, it's been a while. Thanks for the push to make me blog tonight, Katie! I guess I better do this more often.
Since April just a few things have changed:
1. We're moving next weekend! Please keep me in your thoughts as you know how short my patience is, I'll be on my best behavior. I promise. Maybe. We're so excited to be a part of a neighborhood instead of along a busy street. The street we're moving to is the same street I grew up on, I have many fond memories of my best friend and I riding in circles on our bikes at the end of the dead-end street. Our garage is full of boxes and boxes of things we've packed already and the house still feels really full! Sign that we have too much, I suppose.
2. Our baby girl is almost an entire year old. It's possible I may cry at her party, in my mind she's already married with her own babies. She can now blow kisses, almost say puppy, stand for a few seconds without falling and can dance dance dance!
Since April just a few things have changed:
1. We're moving next weekend! Please keep me in your thoughts as you know how short my patience is, I'll be on my best behavior. I promise. Maybe. We're so excited to be a part of a neighborhood instead of along a busy street. The street we're moving to is the same street I grew up on, I have many fond memories of my best friend and I riding in circles on our bikes at the end of the dead-end street. Our garage is full of boxes and boxes of things we've packed already and the house still feels really full! Sign that we have too much, I suppose.
2. Our baby girl is almost an entire year old. It's possible I may cry at her party, in my mind she's already married with her own babies. She can now blow kisses, almost say puppy, stand for a few seconds without falling and can dance dance dance!
Here she is in her pink striped overalls from Grandma Russ!
Grandma Rucker may or may not get her a new outfit or accessory every time she's out. New Dora hat!
Photo shoot in grandma's back yard. "You guys, I found this leaf! Look! Are you listening? A LEAF!" That's what I imagine she's thinking.
Photo shoot at the cupcake place!
3. Went to a friend's wedding from college. Talk about flash back! I haven't been with that group of girls in 5 years! It was good to see those faces again and catch up AND fill up on the candy bar. Good choice, Jen!
Thank you for giving me a reason to buy a new dress!
4. Said good bye to my grandma, she passed away last week surprisingly. We're not sure exactly what happened, just that she fell a few stairs down to her basement and didn't recover from hip surgery. Here's a photo I happened to take of her and Roslynne over Mother's Day:
She was such a classy lady, as you can tell by her cute outfit! I remember Easter egg hunts in her backyard with dimes in the eggs, lunches at Finley Hospital down the street (big spender grams!) and sidewalk chalk in the driveway. Here's to you grandma!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Happenings.
Oops, I think the last time I wrote it was Valentine's Day!
Today is one of those days that it's a little too chilly to be outside and there's not much to do indoors - so, we're watching Monster's Ink. We're working on selling our house, so there's never any cleaning to do besides light picking up because we're constantly having to keep it picked up incase someone wanted to look at it (whoa, run on sentence). It's kind of funny how packed the weekdays seem and all I wish for is a day like today, and when a day of no plans happens - I get super bored. Sigh...
Anyways, this house thing. I sure hope we sell this soon or decide to just back out - there are so many projects we had planned for the current house that we'd rather not do if we're just moving anyways. So, cross your fingers we're able to move soon and I can add some new projects to the to-do list :)
Annnnd, now I give up writing - here are some recent pictures though!
Today is one of those days that it's a little too chilly to be outside and there's not much to do indoors - so, we're watching Monster's Ink. We're working on selling our house, so there's never any cleaning to do besides light picking up because we're constantly having to keep it picked up incase someone wanted to look at it (whoa, run on sentence). It's kind of funny how packed the weekdays seem and all I wish for is a day like today, and when a day of no plans happens - I get super bored. Sigh...
Anyways, this house thing. I sure hope we sell this soon or decide to just back out - there are so many projects we had planned for the current house that we'd rather not do if we're just moving anyways. So, cross your fingers we're able to move soon and I can add some new projects to the to-do list :)
Annnnd, now I give up writing - here are some recent pictures though!
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